This is brilliant. My favorites were the bits on NME, Alternative Press, and Billboard. Good critique.. had me in stitches mate. Did you notice how NME strategically placed all the text and band names AROUND the alcoholic beverage sitting on the table in front of Mr. Doherty?… just so we can see it clear as day. The drink needs to be seen with the singer, so people can understand that this is rock n’ roll. The NME exists solely to sell beer, scarves, leather jackets, and heroin.
Even though we may disagree when it comes to gaming, and although we may have different tastes in music, I’m atleast thankful that we can agree on what is pure rubbish in the world of music.
At least none of these magazines are as up-themselves as some of the online review sites (*cough* pitchforkmusic*cough*). But all true, and funny-
Cheers,
m@
The problem with NME is that they’ve basically become the tabloid of the music world. They also have a really nasty habit of proclaiming the worst new indie bands as the greatest band of the decade, but bashing them several months/years later once the band in question becomes unfashionable. Remember when they practically disowned Oasis after BHN? They also gave Definitely Maybe a lower review and have since went back and changed it.
While I agree with your reviews on Performing Songwriter, Billboard, Roliing Stone and Alternative Press, I have to disagree with your views on the NME. It is an exceptionally good music (although you are correct in saying it devotes too much time to that worthless cunt Pete Doherty), and I feel that your review is very unfair in your representation of the content of the rest of the magazine. And I most definitely disagree with it being called “a picture book”.
agree abouth the nme article although arctic monkeys are from sheffield not london (if you told most northerners they sounded like a cockney they would probably kick you in the face and rightly so as most of the shite muzak of britain seeps out of london nowadays)
You’ve missed “Kerrang!” there, mate. That excuse for a magazine is pure teen-oriented rubbish! Not to mention Pitchfork Media, which is actually a website, i know, but still…
Brilliant article, though.
Still, like the comment above, i can’t help but mention: It’s about time you Americans stopped thinking every single individual in Britain either sounds like the Queen (thanks, Hugh Grant!) or some Dick van Dyke-ish Cockney.
The only one that needs to be on here as well is Blender, even though it’s no longer a music magazine, the crimes it has committed still leave an acrid taste in my mouth. No magazine has ever been more childish, it’s riddled with contradictions, filled with stupid opinions, and only goes far enough on insults that are universally agreed upon.
Pitchfork is worse than an amputation, but it isn’t a magazine, that in no way excuses it’s crimes.
The Rolling Stone one is dead on, and its much worse than that though, most media in America is political in nature, trying to shove left and progressive ideals down your throat all day long. Its everywhere, and the news which youre supposed to go to for fairness is even worse.
I stopped taking Rolling Stone seriously after I read their “Top 100 Guitarists Of All Time” list. Sure, Jack White (LAWLZ POWER CHORDS) is the 17th greatest guitarist of all time, but David Gilmour and Eddie Van Halen aren’t even in the top 50? Angus Young is 96th? Stupid, stupid magazine.
Great article
This is brilliant. My favorites were the bits on NME, Alternative Press, and Billboard. Good critique.. had me in stitches mate. Did you notice how NME strategically placed all the text and band names AROUND the alcoholic beverage sitting on the table in front of Mr. Doherty?… just so we can see it clear as day. The drink needs to be seen with the singer, so people can understand that this is rock n’ roll. The NME exists solely to sell beer, scarves, leather jackets, and heroin.
Even though we may disagree when it comes to gaming, and although we may have different tastes in music, I’m atleast thankful that we can agree on what is pure rubbish in the world of music.
NME is a picture book. Good call
rolling stone is only good for non-war politics articles, their music reviews are terrible, and AP is shit
Finally, an Old-Wizard article I can agree with.
who the fuck reads music magazines?
I can’t believe I am typing this…
I agree with Old-Wizard
i agree about rolling stone, but you people need to stop throwing oasis down our throats. They suck.
At least none of these magazines are as up-themselves as some of the online review sites (*cough* pitchforkmusic*cough*). But all true, and funny-
Cheers,
m@
Hilarious. I despise Pete Doherty, who the hell cares about that worthless fuck!
RATE A!
The problem with NME is that they’ve basically become the tabloid of the music world. They also have a really nasty habit of proclaiming the worst new indie bands as the greatest band of the decade, but bashing them several months/years later once the band in question becomes unfashionable. Remember when they practically disowned Oasis after BHN? They also gave Definitely Maybe a lower review and have since went back and changed it.
While I agree with your reviews on Performing Songwriter, Billboard, Roliing Stone and Alternative Press, I have to disagree with your views on the NME. It is an exceptionally good music (although you are correct in saying it devotes too much time to that worthless cunt Pete Doherty), and I feel that your review is very unfair in your representation of the content of the rest of the magazine. And I most definitely disagree with it being called “a picture book”.
fck rolling stno
Great list.
Predictable.
agree abouth the nme article although arctic monkeys are from sheffield not london (if you told most northerners they sounded like a cockney they would probably kick you in the face and rightly so as most of the shite muzak of britain seeps out of london nowadays)
You’ve missed “Kerrang!” there, mate. That excuse for a magazine is pure teen-oriented rubbish! Not to mention Pitchfork Media, which is actually a website, i know, but still…
Brilliant article, though.
Still, like the comment above, i can’t help but mention: It’s about time you Americans stopped thinking every single individual in Britain either sounds like the Queen (thanks, Hugh Grant!) or some Dick van Dyke-ish Cockney.
Blender anyone?
Pitchfork media.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/6659-amnesiac/
words fail me.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/5930-the-masterplan/
The only one that needs to be on here as well is Blender, even though it’s no longer a music magazine, the crimes it has committed still leave an acrid taste in my mouth. No magazine has ever been more childish, it’s riddled with contradictions, filled with stupid opinions, and only goes far enough on insults that are universally agreed upon.
Pitchfork is worse than an amputation, but it isn’t a magazine, that in no way excuses it’s crimes.
The Rolling Stone one is dead on, and its much worse than that though, most media in America is political in nature, trying to shove left and progressive ideals down your throat all day long. Its everywhere, and the news which youre supposed to go to for fairness is even worse.
I stopped taking Rolling Stone seriously after I read their “Top 100 Guitarists Of All Time” list. Sure, Jack White (LAWLZ POWER CHORDS) is the 17th greatest guitarist of all time, but David Gilmour and Eddie Van Halen aren’t even in the top 50? Angus Young is 96th? Stupid, stupid magazine.