There are many ways to know that you’ve played too many video games in your day. Some reasons are more obvious than others. Ever get that pain in your hands from holding a controller too long? Ever need to get up and go to the bathroom to see if your eyes still work? Ever refer to yourself in public as the “blue bomber”? The signs are numerous for this phenomena, and in this list we’ll go through the top ten ways to know that you’ve played too many video games. This was a difficult list to make as there were so many signs that you are knee deep in the video game world…and never coming back. Are you, like us, one of these people who are never coming back to “reality”? Here’s how you can tell.
10. You’re Overweight
Watch that waist size. You may have started out as a size 32 but after a year of hardcore video gaming, it wouldn’t be surprising if you’re not pushing a 42! There is nothing more fun than eating while playing a video game. These two pleasures go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly, and who knows how many PB and J’s you’ve had while trying to get the fastest speed in the new Mario Kart. And who knows how many bags of chips you’ve dominated while trying to beat an old Nintendo game that you have never finished up to this point in your life.
9. You Breathe Hard
Along with being overweight comes breathing hard. This needed to be a reason on its own though because of how conspicuous hard breathers are. Listen to someone after they play a video game for too long. Most likely they are in the kitchen scarfing down some KFC. Listen to how loud they are and how hard they are breathing. Their movement from the chair they play a video game from to the kitchen where they’re eating was the most exercise they have gotten all day, and you can most certainly hear it. It’s as loud as a Lesko fan turned to three. You wouldn’t be surprised if your neighbor could even hear it.
8. You refer to your boss as “Bowser”
You and your friends at work refer to your boss as “Bowser”. Anyone else at work who doesn’t like their boss probably refers to them as “assholes” or “bitches”, or any other negative connotation belonging to popular language. You on the other hand, think of all the video game bosses in the past who you couldn’t beat. You think of how you couldn’t get by Bowser because of how randomly he jumped and all the hammers he could throw. This inviolability is perfectly epitomized in your boss at work. He’s a fire breathing bastard you can’t get past. He is always breathing down your neck and stealing shit from you.
7. Carpel Tunnel
This obvious way of knowing that you’ve played video games too much was popularly signified in “South Park”. This funny scene of the South Park crew trying to build up their levels was no mere joke though. It is a reality for many video gamers out there. Their hands hurt as bad as a tooth ache after playing a game for so long. There are not many ways one can get Carpel Tunnels besides playing video games for too long. At some point, you have to put down the controller and give your poor hands a rest.
6. Visual Impairment
Beyond Vertigo, a tell tale sign that you have been playing a video game too long is your lack in of seeing straight. Everything looks fuzzy. You’re dizzy and almost feel like you need to throw up. You look in the mirror and only see a haze that resembles yourself. You see some graphics in the mirror but this is from the video game you were just playing. Your eyes just can’t adjust to the real world. You’re still trying to shoot at all those spaceships that were trying to invade the earth. They are still appearing in your eyes. Hopefully it will heal itself in time, but you will now probably need glasses making you the prototypical video gamer who doesn’t know when to quit.
5. You stand up your girlfriend to play the new Mega Man
The new Mega Man is out! It’s Mega Man 9! In fact, it has the same exact form of Mega Man 2 and 3! What? Are you kidding me? You mean I don’t have to endure a sorry excuse for a modern Mega Man game that’s a first person shooter, with 3D graphics and lacking in a simple storyline? Alright! Where can I get it? Shit, I can download it? I’m downloading this shit right now. Oh shit, this is the first time that one of the bosses is a woman; Splash Woman to be exact. I want to fight her first. Cool level, sort of reminds me of Bubble Man’s level from Mega Man 2. Your phone rings and it’s your girlfriend, “Where the fuck are you, I’ve been waiting here at Olive Garden for over an hour!”
4. You’re Socially Retarded
You try to go to parties and be social. Instead, you’re in the corner trying to find the nerdiest person in the room so you can talk to them about the latest Zelda game you’re playing, or reminisce about an old code from the Nintendo days. You try talking to some women, but the conversation falls on deaf ears as your social graces are not appealing to the opposite sex. Why are you even here in the first place? Just go home and play the latest video game you bought, or download an NES emulator and try to glitch Metroid in Ridely’s Hideout. All those new territories you haven’t explored yet!
3. You bring in a picture of Link when you get a haircut
It’s that time again. It’s haircut time. You have been playing a lot of Zelda since your last haircut and have become fond of Link’s appearance. You say to yourself “Boy, I wish I could have that hair”, and your mind is so filled with fantasy, you actually think you can have it. You get an animated picture of Link and bring it into for your barber to see. It’s when you see the look on the barber’s face that you know that you’ve probably played the game for too long. He cordially agrees to give you the haircut, but you know he thinks you’re completely out of your melon wanting to looking like a character from a video game.
2. You think Street Fighter The Movie was a good movie
Only the person who has played too many video games in their life would see Street Fighter The Movie as a good movie. Only someone so immersed in the actual game could appreciate what the big screen always tries to bring to it. You’re not even aware that Van Damme is the main actor in the movie. If you realized this and weren’t so consumed in the fact that it was a movie about Street Fighter, you would dismiss the movie right off hand. You may even gain a new found appreciation for Van Damme after this. If this happens, then you’ve most certainly played the game too long and forgot about anything other than what quality gaming is. Quality acting for you is completely foreign at this point.
1. Death
The #1 sign that you’ve played too many video games is if you actually die from playing one too long. There have actually been documented cases of people dying when playing a game too long. Of course, at death, you won’t realize that you have played a video game too long because you have died. If there is an afterlife, maybe you will come to realize that your fate was sealed in a video game. You didn’t have time to eat, drink water, go to the bathroom; basically, everything you need to do to survive was forgotten for the video game you were playing. After a couple days of malnourishment, you simply collapse and fall into eternal rest. You are the ultimate video gamer. You have secured a legacy for yourself that most video gamers could never dream of.
haha what
this is probably the most biased thing I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading.
lol nerds suk!!!
That actually happened, as you probably know. Every once in awhile, I hear a report of someone, often Korean, playing for 48 hours straight and then dying. Maybe that’s how I’ll die, what a way to go.
hahaha, funny sh*t
Very funny. I love the Mega Man one the most. And now I’m going to start referring to my boss as “Bowser”. It’s BRILLIANT!
This article is PURE GENIUS. Great read indeed.
Lol good read. Gave me a few good laughs.
Lolz, good stuff. Street Fighter bit made me laugh. Uwle Bowle *sp* should of made the movie, it would of been so much better! *SARCASM!*
There is a lot truth in this article. The overwight thing is very true, I know it myself. I got about 10 kg from my ps3 purchase.
ROFL
your about to complete the game and then you die funny
your about to complete a the game and then you die funny shit
Lol very good, i say link 3 of these 2 yourself and you need to put down the controller and get some sunshine.
FOREVER! horrible thought
This was a really great read. Loved this list. Nice work.
Author is a stupid retard
LOL at number 8.
great read, definitely good laughs. would calling your friends moms Dr. Robotnick because she’s round mean you play too much ?
This was beyond funny. Nice work.
There’s a contradiction in this list. #10 you say gamers ea too much. Then in #1 you say they don’t eat all.
hell yeah. my girlfriend doesnt have anything on mega man!
haha, this article was great.
But instead of your boss being bowser, why not any famous boss? And megaman 9? Why not multiple games? Your examples are a little bit specific sometimes
Street Fighter was a good movie!…you know…if you could ignore the acting and stuff.
GAYEST ARTICLE I’VE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF WASTING MY SHORT LIFE ON. NOW LET’S SEE IF I CAN MAKE IT 72 HOURS WITHOUT DYING THIS TIME.
1994 called, they want you to come back.
Oh shit. You mean Jack Thompson is still fighting.
But really the Nintendo fat kid.. That’s really offensive. Of course if that’s your kid or your self old-wizard.com then dam you got problems.
this article isnt funny or very creative.
Gay!!!
This is what happens when your journalism degree doesn’t pan out.
this is the most biased article i’ve ever read. this is an offense to me. GET YOUR INFORMATION CORRECT! be4 you write this biased shit.
# talkstogirlsaboutgames on October 6, 2008 at 11:25 am said:
Lol very good, i say link 3 of these 2 yourself and you need to put down the controller and get some sunshine.
Sunshine? isn’t that a bit too bright? that would imply going outside! ohnoz! the hot chick across the street might see me! *hide*
lol
“You are socially retarded” Honestly? Honestly?! How silly is this one, I’ve met non-gamers with less friends than I have and can hang out with tons of people. You are an idiot.
Nice article, for me everything was true except for 10, 9 and 1.
If 1 should happen, I hope I die from a great video game
Not to burst your bubble but recent studies have shown mmorpg players tend to be healthier then non gamers…
Here the source http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7621412.stm Im not sure where the research was carried out.
You don’t leave behind a legacy when you die from playing video games LOL. The only thing left behind is people calling you a worthless retard for actually neglecting your bodies needs to play a video game. LOL.
pretty cool article
can’t stop laughing since i read this
After reading this article, I just have to shake my head. It’s ignorant to solely associate obesity, visual impairment or carpel tunnel to playing games. This is why video games get bad press, because “journalists” that make articles and statements such as this are what give society the mentality that “video games are bad!”.
Ridiculous.
Great article.
LMAO. This was by far the funniest thing I’ve read all week.
i’m sorry…but did a few of you actually refr to myself and zero as journalists?!?! lmfao.
one thing you forgot to add that you know you’ve played too many video games when if you stop playing for about a week you start dreaming about them.
when pokemon was a big thing i had the blue version and I became grounded right after I caught around 100 of them my mom took away my gameboy you know the big clunky grey one. well i had a dream that i was playing pokemon. it was weird.
# Eric on October 6, 2008 at 11:06 pm said:
After reading this article, I just have to shake my head. It’s ignorant to solely associate obesity, visual impairment or carpel tunnel to playing games. This is why video games get bad press, because “journalists” that make articles and statements such as this are what give society the mentality that “video games are bad!”.
I’m pretty sure your taking this way too seriously. It seems to be more sarcastic than anything.
you just need to loosen up and get some common sense dude.
the only one i don’t agree with is number 7.
although i don’t have much of a social life the friends I have are ones that i wouldn’t give up for anything in the world.
I may be considered socially retarded but the truth is I just don’t like people mainly because of the fact that all people can be evil and I have a hard time telling where they stand. but of all the friends i have which are about 4 or 5 people I am the only one of them who activly plays a mmorpg I play runescape and since i walk everywhere i go I really don’t have any health issues 3 of my friends live 8 miles from my house and every chance i get i head over there to hang out and film our crazy ideas. I may be a nerd but at least i have freinds who are able to accept me for who i am.
I have
Difficulty relating to people
Unusual ways of playing with toys and other objects, such as only lining them up a certain way.
Lack of imagination.
Difficulty adjusting to changes in routine
Repetitive patterns of behavior, no matter how comfortable a chair is i always sit with my right leg folded under myself and my chin on my left knee.
I have autism and i chose to game. the gaming didn’t give me the disorder
but still i loved your article.
I believe that the only way someone can truly be retarded is if they go around trying to be sensitive about using the word retarded I like you. through your writing you treated me like you would a human being. not just another statistic. i don’t get that much.
thgank you.
deathkitty23 ftw
So i take the idea of being able to control a “movie” once and awhile is a bad thing?
And who wants to have like 5 houses to be able to visit your kids?
Not too say to have 5 houses….
This is the dumbest thing i have ever read, its completely biased and only refers to nintendo video games, ones dating back from the early 90s even! clearly the author hasn’t touched a controller in years and shouldn’t be allowed to post an article such as this.
The only steriotype that he forgot to mention is the lack of girlfriends, because clearly, gamers can’t get them *cough* sarcasm *cough*
You write very well.
God you guys, you’re…you’re just NOT funny. You rip off other people’s work and you can’t even make people laugh. Blech.
11. you want to kill the writer
12. you have a high IQ