Top 10 Movies of All Time

To be honest, I’m most comfortable when I’m writing about old NES titles and beer. Although I am a musician and I’ve studied music from classical to Jazz to rock to blues, the differing opinions on the matter make it tough to publish my opinions on it, you brats are brutal. Worst of all is writing about movies. I watch a LOT of movies…crap movies. I love 70’s kung-fu and 80’s slasher flics. I am not a film critic, I never studied the ins and outs of cinematography, and I sure as hell don’t consider my self an expert. You can understand my anxiety when Zero asked me if I’d pen a top 10 movies. The conversation went something like this (the following is slightly dramatized for effect): “WTF? Top ten movies based on what?” “Whatever you want.” “Whatever I want? That’s like trolling for angry nerds” “Whatever, man. You ARE an angry nerd” “So I’m starting an argument, this is an argument list.” “Is there any other kind of list?” “Right on…”

So here you have it. DestructoMaximo’s top 10 movies of all time. Ever. Without question.

When you’re finished playing video games you could always play
free online poker with your friends at www.partypoker.com. If you’re lucky you could earn enough cash for a PS3.

10. Goodfellas

Martin Scorsese’s eternal masterpiece is Goodfellas even more so than Casino which is almost achieves the classic status as Goodfellas.  Here we find the old gang of De Niro, Liotta, and Pesci ripping it up in New Jersey, stealing trucks with loaded with cigarettes and selling them on the street, and then giving some to police officers to buy them off.  They only get in trouble when the FBI gets involved.  Even when they do get in trouble though, they are usually let off easy because their lawyers know all the judges, or they stay for minimal time “in prison” which for them is really a nice decorated place “to get away from their lives”.  Anyone who has seen this movie remembers all the antics of the characters like Pecsi playing loose with his gun much to the demise of a young fella who just wanted to fit in and Liotta’s character coming home crunked in the early hours of the morning to his wife and mother.  Again, with a refined sense of humor this is seen as the stuff of classic cinema sensibilities.

9.  The Life of Brian

I want to start out by saying it is not obligatory to include a Monty Python film on a nerd site, this movie deserves to be here. What if you were born on the same day as Jesus, right next door, and were constantly mistaken for the messiah? The very idea of having to spend your life in the shadow of Jesus is hilarious and sad. Have Monty Python tackle the subject and you have comedic perfection. After all, “Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it!”

8. A Beautiful Mind

If any of you have read this (looooong) book, you know what a feat it was to get it turned into a movie. Quite frankly, I can’t come close to understanding how this was pitched to a studio. “Um, we have this antisocial genius who is an expert on game theory. He was a recluse for years due to crippling mental illness, and oh, he won the Nobel Prize in economics. Can we turn his life story into a movie?” John Nash is absolutely a genius, if you’ve read any of his work on game theory you know that already. His recent outspokenness on how Keynesian economics has destroyed the fabric of the US and how we should revert back to the gold standard brought him back into the intellectual mainstream and put this movie back on my top 10 list. Read the book, read his papers, then watch the movie (if you haven’t done the first two, do them and watch it again).

7. Caddy Shack

Caddy Shack is the most classic comedy ever made in my eyes.  This movie was way ahead of it’s time in terms of it’s sadistic and absurd sense of humor.  Betting on whether the nerd jock was going to pick his nose, throwing the life guard on duty into the country club pool where the caddy’s were only allowed 15 minutes to swim; these were ideas that neglected the social tide the late 20th century.  Released in 1980, this film would become a cult classic for everyone who appreciated their sense of humor with a lack of political correctness.  Who better to star in this type of film than Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, and most importantly Ted Knight who put on one of the most hilarious authoritarian character pieces in movie history.  This is a must see if you like your humor as absurd as possible.

6. Godfather

When family is involved, everything is personal. When my little brother was sniped with a bb gun by the neighborhood bully, I reluctantly went to his door, pulled him out of the house, and told him if he ever bothered my brother again I would make his life unpleasant. That night I crawled into their yard ninja style and shut their power off. In the Godfather, Michael returns from the war intent on living a normal life. His father runs the most influential mafia family in the states, and is intent on having Michael take over the family business. Much like I was happy not interacting with my asswipe bully neighbor, it took the pride-filled defense of my family to get me involved. When Michael’s father was gunned down after refusing to put a hand into the drug racket, Michael had no choice but to take the situation into his own hands and involve himself in the family in order to avenge the attack on his dad. Sometimes you need to readjust your moral scale in order to wage war against the greater of two evils.

5. E.T.

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Reese’s Pieces (ooh, a piece of candy!)? Or when your ancient grandfather points his shaky finger at something he’s cranky about (ouch)? How great was it when you first heard a pint-sized Drew Barrymore utter the words “penisbreath?” This movie made every boy (and probably girl) from my generation ride their bikes (ah, memories of my awesome star wars huffy) off of home made ramps imagining cruising weightlessly across the moon. Aside from this awesomeness, the movie also taught us not to fear aliens, lessons about racism, that feds should be hated (a point reinforced years later when my freaker friends had their towers confiscated, shutting down our BBS), and that sometimes your parents aren’t perfect. In short, E.T. is awesome. A collector’s edition of ET dressed up in a sundress greets you as you walk into my house.

4. Raiders of the Lost Ark

This movie invented the adventurer stereotype, making all re-watchings pale in comparison to that first time in the theater. Adventure bound history nerd, Indy, is hired by the government to find the ark of the covenant…the literal holy grail of archeologists. He has an obligatory arch nemesis who is content to let Indy do all of the footwork so he can steal the ark. If this weren’t enough, there is also a band of Nazis he gets to foil on the way to the ark. Did I mention a hot lady who starts off hating him until the sexual tension boils over? We could replace the ark with the destruction of the Deathstar, the Nazi’s with the Empire, The nemesis with Jaba (or Fett, really), and the leggy blonde with the rebel princess. Whatever, the equation works, the direction works, and Ford works Han without the MF.

3. Fellowship of the Ring

Long ago ZM and I used to run around in the woods located behind each others’ houses. Each were deemed Mirkwood, and we often had to fight dragons, orcs, and spiders. These novels were, and quite possibly still are, one of the greatest series of books ever written. When I first heard they were being made into live action movies I was a bit nervous, but what Peter Jackson did was nothing short of miraculous. Each scene had the perfect feeling. The Shire was happy and cheerful, Rivendell was magical and foreign, and everything felt and looked exactly as it should. Peter Jackson was able to do something Lucas could only dream of, making a movie with CGI feel real. Lucas’s graphics are corny and cartoonish, while Jackson only uses them to enhance the scene, make things look more epic, and draw you further into the picture he is painting. Quit oppositely Lucas pushes the viewer away. Now there are a few scenes I take issue with, the shield skateboard in Two Towers, and sliding down the oliphant’s trunk as it dies in Return of the King, but the rest of the movies are so great that I have chosen to overlook them. Also interestingly I’m not scared of the prequel to this movie, I’m sure Jackson will best Lucas in that respect as well.

2. Empire

“No, there is another.” With these words, spoken by Yoda to Obi-Wan immediately after sending Luke off on a death mission and telling him to sacrifice his friends for the sake of their cause, I was transformed into something new. Why would Yoda, a good guy in my 8 year old mind, tell Luke to let the other good guys die Was Lando a good guy? My boys were just ambushed by the Empire in Bespin! Was Boba Fett bad, or just trying to do the job he was hired to do? It seemed as if no one was all good, and no one was all bad. Even Luke had much anger in him, much to learn he still has as he throws away the rest of his training…at least we know Vader is definitely all bad. For the first time in my young life there was a gray area. Before Empire there were good guys and bad guys. Friends and enemies. Autobots and Decepticons. Professor X and Magneto. You get the point. Now there was something new, people were more complicated. I started to like Han more than Luke because of his relative badness. I went through the awkwardness of puberty for 20 years, but when we learned that Luke was Vader’s son, I knew it had taken me 2 hours to become a man. I went into the kitchen and gave my dad a hug, and then I checked to see if his arm was mechanical.

1. Braveheart

Braveheart is the first and only movie I have openly cried watching with my friends as an adult. It was ok, they were crying too. We didn’t cry when young William’s father was hauled back dead from battle, or when his wife’s throat was slit by the English in the middle of the village. Those events made us William Wallace. They filled us with all of the raw rage, power, and FTM do-or-die that pumped through William Wallace’s veins as he trashed (and mooned) the English in epic bloody broadsword wielding battles. Like watching a football game we all roared at the TV during those fights. We all high-fived when he finally got to toss the beans to Princess Isabelle. But it was the unexpected, heart wrenchingly defiant scream of FREEDOM as he is being publicly disemboweled that we all noticed the streams of tears on each other’s faces. I am 7/8 Swede and 1/8 Scott, that 1/8 was very proud by the end of this movie…burn it.

Related Articles: Top 10 Problems with Modern Movies