We here at OW get a lot of flack for our beliefs. Further research, however, has shown that we are in fact right. Everything we say is actually the gospel truth! I know, we were just as shocked as you are. That being said, we are taking applications for worshipers. Unlike most religions we don’t want everyone, just your rich, cool, and popular people. There is a minimum yearly salary requirement and a rather extensive interview process. Also we have put together a list that allows a person to decide if they are good at gaming. These days games are stupid and easy and everyone thinks they are good at games for no particular reason. Here is a way to tell if you’re actually good at video games. And if you remember from the beginning of this list everything we say is the truth. So we win again. Also at a recent staff meeting we have all decided we are willing to sell out completely. If any TV executives, advertising agents, or magazine editor are reading this and want to offer us money we’re in.
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With the new Star Trek movie coming out today we decided to gather up all the Star Trek related questions that we’ve received for the past year that we’ve been running “Ask Old-Wizard” and answer them all at once. What we realized as we were answering them was just how nerdy our fan base really is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hope you enjoy!
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If we here at OW know anything, which we don’t, then it’s definitely hardcore games and gamers. These are the people who take what is merely a pass time and make it a serious way of life. Much like the professional athlete, the hardcore gamer takes the gaming experience to a whole new and smelly level. But this list isn’t about them, no we’ve done that before, we’ve done the comprehensive study of what your average hardcore gamer looks like already. This time we try to get into there heads, through the layers of greasy unwashed hair, past the dandruff ridden scalp, under the extra layers of fat, and beneath the thick skull (its thick from supporting all the grease, fat, and dry skin). To further our efforts in understanding these behemoths we began systematic studies of the games which hardcore gamers identify as “hardcore” and our findings are shocking to say the least. We’ve organized some of our data into a list which ranks the importance of a particular attribute of a particular game in the order in which the hardcore gamer holds the importance of said attribute when purchasing a new game with their parent’s money. That is to say we made a top ten list.
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Posted in Games, Top Lists
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Tagged casual gamers, Gaming, GTA, hardcore gamers, killzone 2, killzone two, make a hardcore game, top 10, top ten, Video Games, violence in video games, ways to tell if a game is hardcore
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No game in history has left a cadre of memorable bad guys like the Mario Bros games have. Others have tried, but nobody else has taken a the dreams of an acid riddled hippie and turned them into lush landscapes full of monsters, floating blocks, pits to infinity, and poor plumbing like Nintendo has. Mario has been the flagship of this company since the early eighties, and rightfully so. In this list we name the top 30 bad guys from the Mario brother series.
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Posted in Top Lists
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Tagged bad, best, Games, Gaming, guys, Mario, NES, nintendo, old school, Retro, snes, super, Thirty, Top, Video Games
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To be honest, I’m most comfortable when I’m writing about old NES titles and beer. Although I am a musician and I’ve studied music from classical to Jazz to rock to blues, the differing opinions on the matter make it tough to publish my opinions on it, you brats are brutal. Worst of all is writing about movies. I watch a LOT of movies…crap movies. I love 70’s kung-fu and 80’s slasher flics. I am not a film critic, I never studied the ins and outs of cinematography, and I sure as hell don’t consider my self an expert. You can understand my anxiety when Zero asked me if I’d pen a top 10 movies. The conversation went something like this (the following is slightly dramatized for effect): “WTF? Top ten movies based on what?” “Whatever you want.” “Whatever I want? That’s like trolling for angry nerds” “Whatever, man. You ARE an angry nerd” “So I’m starting an argument, this is an argument list.” “Is there any other kind of list?” “Right on…”
So here you have it. DestructoMaximo’s top 10 movies of all time. Ever. Without question.
When you’re finished playing video games you could always play
free online poker with your friends at www.partypoker.com. If you’re lucky you could earn enough cash for a PS3.
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Posted in Movies, Top Lists
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Tagged all time, best movies, ever, films, greatest, greatest movies, Movies, Ten, Top, top 10, top 10 movies, top ten, top ten movies
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The SNES is the greatest console system ever created. Granted it had limitations on the graphics and the size of the games, but this only forced the designers to create stories that were truly captivating, and games that were just plain fun. They had to push the limits of what they had. These days games are all about how real the graphics look, how much blood you can splatter, or all the other things that don’t matter. While we at OW agree that comparing these games is like comparing a Picaso to a cave painting, we ask which one was more impressive? Picasso had any color paint he wanted, stretched canvases, and didn’t have to fight for his food. The caveman had coals, berries, and had to avoid being eaten. The SNES is old, but it had some truly great games that have stood the test of time. They are continually hailed as the some of the greatest games ever made and few modern games, even with their pretty colors and 3D environments, can hold a candle to these classic titles. So here’s what we think are the best.
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There are some games I’m just not good at. I’ll admit that I’m terrible at Top Gun (landing the plane) and Ghosts n’ Goblins where I can’t even get past the first level. While I may not be the best at these games, I know that I have talent elsewhere, like in being able to complete Super Metroid in a radically quick time and being able to beat the Mario Lost Levels, which most people can’t even come close to beating. There are definite signs that you’re absolutely terrible at video games in general. In this list, we’ll go through these reasons. If you fit 4 out of 10 of these reasons, it’s best if you lay down the controller, or if you still want to play video games go and buy Lego Star Wars. Unless you like embarrassing yourself, it would not be good to admit to anyone else that you suffer from one of these reasons below.
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Last night was the biggest, most watched, and arguably the most important awards show in the country. I speak of course of the Wizzies, presented by the infamous Old-Wizard.com. Much like the way the Golden Globes predict the Oscars; the Oscars are said to predict the Wizzies. The evening started with a star studded red carpet event, where everyone from poet laureate Maya Angelou, who later gave the invocation address, to Mickey Rourke, who presented the award for best website, was in attendance. It was a variable who’s who of actors, intellects, and important politicians. After everyone filed in and took their seats, the invocation was given and Oasis played the national anthem, which was the first time that a foreign band has ever played our national song at the Wizzies. This year’s event was action packed, including a fist fight between the staff members of OW, and a rather tear full ode delivered by Nelson Mandela. Unlike in years past, O-W cleaned up this year, winning a number of the Wizzies in categories ranging from best performance in a drama to the most environmentally destructive industrial paper clip producer. Here were the highlights:
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