Best of Ask Old-Wizard

Adam asks, Can the SNES play NES games?

A little known fact is that the answer to this question is yes, and here’s how; First you’ll need a couple of things, a screw driver, wire hanger, some low grade phosphoric acid, and wire cutters. Take the acid and pour it on the cover of your NES game, this will melt the plastic allowing access to the board inside. Next take the screw driver and poke at it a few times, just randomly. Finally take the wire hanger and stick one end in an electric socket and the other end in the cartridge slot in your SNES leaving room for your NES cartridge. Now jam the NES cartridge in backwards and viola you have your self an NES game playing on an SNES. Be careful though this process is dangerous and should be done in a well ventilated and well grounded place. Good luck. Disclaimer

What were the wire cutters for? Actually I don’t know, but the process won’t work without them.

Alfagreyus asks, Without taking into account the issue of establishing a stone by God, which he won’t be able to pick up, how do you think, may be something in this world, what can God never see?

In all honesty this sentence makes no sense. Do you speak enough English? Probably not, its okay, English is a difficult language. Now in response to your almost question; The paradox of whether God can create a stone so heavy that even he himself can’t lift it is an old and common question that most atheists like to jump too. The question basically breaks down to whether or not omnipotence is truly possible and is not self-contradictory. Rene Descartes argues that God is absolutely omnipotent despite the problems? What problems you ask? Well, you non-English speaking S.O.B., the very contradiction which you posed. One possible solution to the problem was proposed by J.L. Cowan using a simple logical argument;

1. Either God can create a stone which He cannot lift, or He cannot create a stone which He cannot lift.

2. If God can create a stone which He cannot lift, then He is not omnipotent (since He cannot lift the stone in question).

3. If God cannot create a stone which He cannot lift, then He is not omnipotent (since He cannot create the stone in question).

4. Therefore God is not omnipotent.

Well I’m sick of doing your religious/metaphysical research. For further reading I suggest Bertrand Russell, Immanuel Kant, or David Hume.

John asks, While watching Return Of The Jedi for the 1000th time (I know it’s not a record), it finally dawned on me that when Obi-Wan’s spirit comes from the woods on Dagobah to talk to Luke, he walks a few steps and then sits down! Does a Jedi apparition really need to take a rest, or was I right in just ignoring it the first 999 times?

Well if you walked from the Death Star to Dagobah you would be tired too.

Alex asks, Here is something that I’ve always thought was a little strange. When Obi-Wan takes Luke to Mos Eisley, why does he tell Luke everything about the place? If Luke has grown up on Tatoonie, it seems like he would know something about it or would have been in a cantina before.

If its one thing I love its a well thought out question. This question just happens to be one of those. In order to better understand it lets put this oddity into a better perspective. We live on the planet Earth, which by all measure is fairly large, and has many places. Very surprisingly when I was the young age that Luke Skywalker was when he got tossed into a galactic war between good and evil I hadn’t been to a bar before. Weird right? It would therefore be safe to assume a description of one may be helpful the first time I went. Also I haven’t even been to every city in the state I’m from, let alone the entire planet. Similar logic dictates that a description would also be helpful when entering a new area, especially a bad area, and even more especially when you are trying to blend in. A little knowledge of how things work might go along way. To put it more bluntly I live on Earth but have never been to a bar in China, weird right? Luke’s case is even more extreme; he is a poor farmer boy, they didn’t have the internet, and my guess is Mos Eisley was a bit of trip. So by my figuring he would most likely not have been in a cantina before, and probably knew little if anything about the day-to-day in a spaceport. Hence Obi-Wan filling the lad in on the lay of the land.

Steve asks, Is R2-D2 real?

I’ve decided not to answer this question. It’s obviously utterly stupid. Instead I’m going to use this space to prove that Star Wars fan-boys are responsible for ruining Star Wars. The reason being is that they, for unknown reasons, must suck the mystery out of every single minute detail of the movies. They have to know the name and personal background of every character. “Oh that dead guy there (who’s only in the movie for 1/8th of 1 second) is blah blah, he’s from the fuck face planet, has two wives and eighteen children.” Shut the fuck up. Star Wars was great because of the mystery, the intrigue, and all that was unknown. Another prime example is Boba Fett, he was awesome as an unknown bad ass bounty hunter and everyone loved him for that reason. Now he sucks. He’s a clone or something and his dad got killed. Now he’s a pussy with daddy issues. The mystery of who or what he was, was way better than the now reality. J.R.R. Tolkien once said that the reason Lord of the Rings was so popular was that there was always a tower in the distance that you could see, but you never get to go to. The potential for a story or peril or something unknown is what drew that average reader into his world. The same can be said for the original Star Wars movies. Maybe its Lucas’s fault for caving into the pressures of the hordes of idiotic Star Wars fans, maybe he saw masses of money and decided to forgo his beautiful creation for some pop culture piece of crap that goes to every tower and leaves no stone unturned. Those are, of course, metaphors. I like the mystery of Darth Vader more than the heart sick fuck up. Lets face it, Darth Vader fell to the most common of all human problems: women. He fell in love with a girl and became so obsessed it drove him mad. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! The most evil guy ever is evil because of a girl! Nobody knew what we had with the original movies until they were destroyed by the prequels. I hope your happy that you now know more about the Star wars universe at the expense of the mystery, which is what made them great. Jerks.

Master Barker asks, Hey…..hope your day…night is going to plan…I was just wondering…if a child has mad skillz on a certain game …say ..Defender… How could the player….child..learn more levels…help us …you savior of Defender…

I have actually never played Defender, although Zeromage has many times. I’m not going to go and play it now. I should, but I’m not. Instead I am going to address your use of a ‘z’ instead of a ’s’. I hate that, I hate people who talk like that too. I imagine you talk like you write, all stuttery and weird. Go play Defender.

Master Barker asks, One time at Band Camp.I had the chance to do my first real scam..This story may be told by others..but the true meaning was realized within the realm of ourville..A man …..Ijust realized ….this is not a question….sorry….any way this story rocks…nuff sed…ps drink drinks for they who can not drink….BARK HARD AND LOUD….Yeh boyyyyy!

What’s the story? You’re a scam artist? Where is the realm of ourville? Bark hard and loud? I’m confused.